I’m self conscious about meeting new people
With this new face of mine
Tired. I look so tired
I’m not sure it’s better they think I always looked like this
Or if they know it’s a new thing
I used to be a better looking version of myself
It makes me sad and feel shallow
I keep telling myself once I get some sleep I‘ll improve
But I think it’s permanent
It’s not just sleep
It’s grief
Fear
Heartbreak
Anguish
It’s scars
It is irreparable damage
Experiences don’t go away
They live in you
And on you
Like emotions that furrow your brow
And frame your mouth
They show up overnight
And dig themselves a comfortable, deep hole
They settle in, with no intention of leaving
They want to be seen and heard
And felt
And you feel them
In the tired mornings
You see them
When you stare in the mirror after your shower
Under the bathroom light that used to be on your side
You hear them with every heavy sigh
Your eyelids are sad even when you’re happy
The look of a worn woman
You want to be proud
But it isn’t a life well lived you’re wearing with honor
Not the weathered face of the traveler of your dreams
No stories to tell here
Just the result of circumstances beyond your control
And when your heart overfills
The ache has nowhere else to go