dreams go viral

i go to sleep and my mind has other plans
unable to rid itself from the chaos
i wake up disturbed
unsettled
i feel unsafe and worried
like I am searching
like I’ve spent my whole life searching
i wake up so eager to remove the layers of 
 the night off of me 
i nearly jump out of my bed
other times I lay there in some form of disbelief 
is something haunting me
trying to tell me something
should I be listening
piecing together the bits and pieces I am 
 able to take away 
masks
body parts
fragmented violence
disheveled uncertainty 
a frenzy of panic 
never quiet
a freeway of voices 
too many at once, too far away to articulate
turning my bed into a pool of deep water
the world is ending
ghosts have taken over
silent and unseen
stay indoors
keep to yourself
unsure of the air
strangers look stranger and more familiar
i say keep your distance and we are the same
afraid of one another and connected 
fear is contagious
hold your breath
you are holding your breath
hold it
hold it
hold it
it is all that is safe to hold

when everything stops

Wake up
Go to sleep
Wake up
Go to sleep
Wake up


Days go by in an instant
Weeks are a blur
Monday is Wednesday is Friday is Monday again
Do not give up


Sit outside on the porch
Just to feel the sun on your face
Close your eyes


You’re at the beach
Sand on your towel
Laughter 
Waves close by
Salty air
You read a book 
You packed grapes
They feel like cool marbles on your tongue


Close your eyes
You're at the top of a mountain peak
You give an exhausted and accomplished exhale
You lay on rock warmed by the sun
Sweat cooling on your neck and down your chest
You have a chill
The air feels clean, untouched


Close your eyes
You’re at your parents house
Your sisters are there
Children running
Laughter
Childhood memories
You put your head on your mothers shoulder
Your hand in your sisters hand
You roll your eyes at your father 
You hug him when you leave


Close your eyes
You’re in bed with your lover
You hold hands
You hold one another
You hold gazes
Limbs entangled
Laughter 
You drink coffee until 3 o’clock
You make dinner
Replace mugs with wine glasses
Spend 4 hours in the kitchen




Wake up
Go to sleep
Wake up
Will it be warm enough to walk today
Maybe you could take a drive 
It’s the weekend


Go to sleep
Don’t think about having dreams
What you dreamt about before
What you might dream about
That show you watched
The friend from ten years ago who reached out
The picture of an ex lover you scrolled by
Old photographs 
Old letters
Old you
Where you belong
Where you don’t
Where you are going
Where you are not
What can you do
Don’t just look at the blackness
See it




Standstill 
Life is at a standstill 
Can you stand still
Sit still
Lay still
Be still




You can’t go there
You can’t see them
You can’t touch that
You can’t 
You can’t


You can be 
Still