i go to sleep and my mind has other plans unable to rid itself from the chaos i wake up disturbed unsettled i feel unsafe and worried like I am searching like I’ve spent my whole life searching i wake up so eager to remove the layers of the night off of me i nearly jump out of my bed other times I lay there in some form of disbelief is something haunting me trying to tell me something should I be listening piecing together the bits and pieces I am able to take away masks body parts fragmented violence disheveled uncertainty a frenzy of panic never quiet a freeway of voices too many at once, too far away to articulate turning my bed into a pool of deep water the world is ending ghosts have taken over silent and unseen stay indoors keep to yourself unsure of the air strangers look stranger and more familiar i say keep your distance and we are the same afraid of one another and connected fear is contagious hold your breath you are holding your breath hold it hold it hold it it is all that is safe to hold
when everything stops
Wake up Go to sleep Wake up Go to sleep Wake up Days go by in an instant Weeks are a blur Monday is Wednesday is Friday is Monday again Do not give up Sit outside on the porch Just to feel the sun on your face Close your eyes You’re at the beach Sand on your towel Laughter Waves close by Salty air You read a book You packed grapes They feel like cool marbles on your tongue Close your eyes You're at the top of a mountain peak You give an exhausted and accomplished exhale You lay on rock warmed by the sun Sweat cooling on your neck and down your chest You have a chill The air feels clean, untouched Close your eyes You’re at your parents house Your sisters are there Children running Laughter Childhood memories You put your head on your mothers shoulder Your hand in your sisters hand You roll your eyes at your father You hug him when you leave Close your eyes You’re in bed with your lover You hold hands You hold one another You hold gazes Limbs entangled Laughter You drink coffee until 3 o’clock You make dinner Replace mugs with wine glasses Spend 4 hours in the kitchen Wake up Go to sleep Wake up Will it be warm enough to walk today Maybe you could take a drive It’s the weekend Go to sleep Don’t think about having dreams What you dreamt about before What you might dream about That show you watched The friend from ten years ago who reached out The picture of an ex lover you scrolled by Old photographs Old letters Old you Where you belong Where you don’t Where you are going Where you are not What can you do Don’t just look at the blackness See it Standstill Life is at a standstill Can you stand still Sit still Lay still Be still You can’t go there You can’t see them You can’t touch that You can’t You can’t You can be Still