Today I am happy
Today you have not crossed my mind hardly once
I say hardly because you are still embedded in the back of my subconscious
Only a little though
I think about you hardly at all
Except for the days that I wake up thinking about you
Which aren’t many
But some
And I am at peace
Aside from the days that I am burning with hurt
Those are the days that I hate you
But then there are days that I think of you fondly
And I am grateful for you
But that is only on the days that I do not feel used
And taken advantage of
I am good
On the days that I’m not bad
And I only miss you on the days that I don’t not miss you
And I only crave your attention on days when I’m feeling insecure
But I only feel insecure on the days that I don’t feel lucky that I only wasted 6 years on you and not 20
And on the days I don’t fantasize about the life I want to live and smile to nobody but myself
Those are the only days I feel low
Because on other days I am so lifted I could fly
Because there were days you weighed me down
I might even say most days
So now-a-days I am light as a feather
And people tell me I don’t have the look of someone going through a hard time
And I say that is because sometimes the hard time is what makes everything better
And the other day someone told me I looked great
And I said I guess divorce looks good on me
Because some days I can feel sad about what happened
But I am not sad
There are days that I feel angry
But I am not angry
There are times that I feel devastated
But I try to keep those to just moments
And those moments are becoming far and few between
Because between the days that I might feel like I can’t process the way my life has changed
Are days that I breathe a sigh of relief
And that breath gets me through the day
And on to the next day
And on to the next
I remember the day we met
And I remember the day I thought this was it
And then there’s the day I knew this was ending
And somewhere in between were days of amazing and days of misery
Days where I thought you were crazy
And some days I thought I was delusional
And I can’t forget about the days we talked about a family
There were so many days I thought you made me a better person
But on other days we brought out the worst in each other
And yesterday I thought about you every time I was in the car
And today I did the same
But tomorrow I might forget I ever loved you at all
Because there was a day you made a decision that changed our trajectory
And that day was a terrible day
But it wasn’t the worst day of my life
I’ve had many days that were worse than that
I wonder what that day was like for you
There are days I think, you weren’t the worst thing that happened to me
But as the days go on I’m realizing you weren’t the best either
And in 100 days from now I bet I will feel less bitter
And 200 days from now I might feel less pain
And in 365 days this is going to feel more like a memory
And less like it feels on this day
Which is like I’m on a carousel
Slowly spinning around with every emotion moving up and down in a consistent flow
Today you told me you still think of me
And it made me cry
Because it’s easy to assume that on the day to day, you don’t think of me at all
But you said you think of me all the time
That’s pretty frequently
Is it safe to say I probably cross your mind everyday
There are days that I think about myself more than I think I about you
And those are joyful thoughts
And they get me through the day
And on to the next day
And every day is a new day
And that gets me through the day too
And on to the next day
And on to the next