We used to listen to a Cat Power’s album over and over in bed
We started making love to it and then eventually we would fall asleep to it
Lately I’ve been skipping over this one song when I hear it
Not wanting to face what feelings I might encounter
But the other day it came on and I let it play
And it occurred to me I never listened to the words before
Once I wanted to be the greatest, she says
The greatest of what I wondered
The greatest of all time
The greatest to conquer
The greatest singer
The greatest writer
Once I thought you were my greatest lover
I thought you were the love to end all loves
You brought me to my knees
You ended me with one look
I surrendered to you
No wind or waterfall could stall me, she says
And I thought, I would have given anything for you
I was the greatest fighter for you
I gave up many things
I thought I was fighting for something
I thought I was doing what anyone would do for love
And then came the rush of the flood, she says
And then came the surrender, I thought
But I was not a failure, no
I gave up on something that wasn’t working
But I fought for what I thought was right
And if it were right
I would have kept fighting
Now I’m fighting for myself
Stars at night turned deep to dust, she says
I could follow the glimmering night sky until it lead me nowhere
You were no North Star
No galaxy of wonder
You were a blinding dust bowl
A mirage of sparkles
That would only swallow anyone who dared to come too close
Melt me down, she says
I slowly became a puddle of myself
A shallow pool of has-been strength and tenacity
I no longer knew my mind or my soul
Into big black armour, she says
How long before you showed your true colors
I rose my white flag proudly
And then I ran with it
Whipping in the wind like a sail
Leave no trace of grace, she says
And you didn’t
Just in your honor, she sings
In your honor, I thought
There is no honor in deceit
There is no honor in your actions
There is nothing honorable about that
About you
But this?
The ending of something that was not meant to be
That is honorable
That is brave
That is the greatest